Asking for help is a powerful first step towards healing.
Call 911 for all emergencies.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (2-24453)
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
No one should have to live in fear.
What Do I Do If I’m Being Emotionally Abused?
Content below is quoted from bandbacktogether.com
Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and can be dangerous. If you do not have friends or family that can help you, please contact a local women’s shelter or other organization that can help you safely leave the abusive relationship. Here are some tips for things you can do to help yourself if you’re being emotionally abused:
Make yourself physically and emotionally well – step one will always be to make sure you’re getting all the help you can. Stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Take care of your needs. Do something that will help you think positive and affirm who you are.
Establish healthy emotional boundaries with your abuser – Firmly tell the abusive person that they may no longer yell at you, call you names, insult you, be rude to you, and so on. Then, tell them what will happen if they choose to engage in this behavior.
Stop blaming yourself – guilt may be the enemy of emotional abuse victims. What’s happened to you is not your fault – you couldn’t have known what your partner would do. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for any amount of time, you may believe that there is something severely wrong with you. Why else would someone who says they love you act like this, right? But you are not the problem. Abuse is a choice.
Realize that you cannot “fix” the abusive person. Despite your best efforts, you will never be able to change an emotionally abusive person by doing something different or by being different. An abusive person makes a choice to behave abusively. Remind yourself that you cannot control their actions and that you are not to blame for their choices. The only thing you can fix or control is your response.
Do not engage with an abusive person. In other words, if an abuser tries to start an argument with you, begins insulting you, demands things from you or rages with jealousy, do not try to make explanations, soothe their feelings or make apologies for things you did not do. Simply walk away from the situation if you can.
Build a support network. Stop being silent about the abuse you are experiencing. Talk to a trusted friend, family member or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. Take time away from the abusive person as much as possible and spend time with people who love and support you.
Work on an exit plan. If your partner, friend, or family member has no intention of changing or working on their poor choices, you will not be able to remain in the abusive relationship forever. It will eventually take a toll on you both mentally and physically.
If your safety has been threatened, don’t hesitate to contact the local authorities.
Educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships.
Remember that you’re not alone. The abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be abused. Help is out there.
About Me
Cynthia Garner is a certified mindfulness instructor, somatic psychotherapist, public speaker, single mother, former classroom teacher, and author.
Her passion is helping trauma survivors find refuge in the present moment, reclaim their power, and come home to their authentic selves. As a coach, she works with educational leadership and survivors of domestic violence, offering practical coping skills, secular mindfulness, and in-the-moment interventions for managing reactivity and breaking the patterns of generational, systemic, and relational trauma.
Cynthia studied counseling at Regis University, earned a doctorate in Body-Mind Health from the Parkmore Institute, and is trained in group psycho-education through the UCSD Medical School, the Centre for Mindfulness Studies, Inward Bound, Mindful Schools, and the Hakomi Institute.
Work with me: Start your Healing Journey
My mindfulness practice and somatic therapy training brought me home to myself, after years of alienation, betrayal, and emotional violence. Understanding how trauma is stored in the body and learning tools to regulate my nervous system offered me the opportunity to reclaim my mental real estate, stabilize my attention with anchors in the present moment, and tend to my wounded heart.
Gradually, one baby step at a time, I began to widen my window of tolerance, develop the capacity to ride the waves of emotion, and to learn how to disengage from the conflict in a non-violent way.
I am so grateful for the lessons that my experience taught me, and that now I have the opportunity to raise my daughter in a regulated and compassionate environment, and that I get to share these practices and teachings with other survivors of relational trauma who don’t know where to start.
There are a few different ways you can work with me to learn mindfulness, heal your relational wounds, and come home to yourself:
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These intimate groups are open for enrollment 3 times per year in February, May, and September. Groups meet online for 12 weeks on Saturday mornings and include trauma-treatment, grief work, mindfulness-based interventions, somatic practices, and reflective writing prompts. Join the Waitlist.
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Sometimes we need individual therapeutic support to identify our core beliefs and discover the deeply engrained patterns that keep us from moving forward. When we work together one-on-one, you’ll be guided in gentle somatic awareness practices and mindfulness meditations to help you make space for feeling what you feel, and retraining your nervous system to rest in the present moment. Schedule an introductory session.
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In this 12-week, live online workshop, you’ll be guided in somatic mindfulness practices, reflection, and writing prompts to support you in welcoming yourself, reconnecting with your inner child, and soothing your wounded parts. Our focus will be on identifying our core experiences, how they shaped our sense of belonging in the world, and through writing we will offer ourselves the care we did not get to have when we were young. The program will include live practice sessions twice per month, with writing prompts and workbook material released to you on the alternating weeks. This series will be facilitated by Dr. Cynthia Garner, a certified mindfulness instructor, somatic psychotherapist, and author.
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This group for leaders of trauma-impacted school systems will focus on prioritizing wellbeing, managing reactivity, and nonviolent communication. We will meet via Zoom every other week on Friday mornings, 10-11:30 am MST, for the duration of the spring semester. Participation will include access to the self-paced Mindfulness for School Leadership Course. Our practices will include trauma-informed interventions, attentional training, somatic awareness practices, and reflective inquiry. Spaces are limited. Enrollment period closes January 23, 2024.